Nostalgia is a bittersweet longing, combining the pleasurable feeling of the past with the pain of the empty or dull present. It is usually marked by an idealization of the past and an element of virtual reliving of the past. Yearning for an ex-lover is a type of nostalgia for circumstances that no longer exist. By means of our imagination, we can rapidly move from one place to another and from one time to another-dwelling more upon positive experiences we want to re-experience, or negative experiences we cannot escape. Our memories are one form of our imagination, which is part and parcel of our mental environment. And one of the first places to do so is our past, and especially in our relationships with those people with whom we were in love. When we are sad, lonely or just feeling like we have lost ourselves, it is natural to look for an alternative situation. Those circumstances are also associated with our present situation. They are more likely to fade, to be put aside, or to be buried under the existing circumstances but they can make an impressive comeback in appropriate circumstances. Indeed, the central features of romantic love, such as profound care, genuine reciprocity, and intense desire, cannot be easily erased. This does not mean that love cannot fade away, but even when it does, it leaves some scars, or rather potential feelings that can flourish if and when the environment is conducive. Genuine love is profound-it does not come and go every now and then it is something that is likely to last over time.
Why is the phenomenon of yearning for ex-lovers so frequent and powerful? Is such yearning due to desperation or passion? Is it related to the quality of our ex or to a deficiency in our current romantic life? It would seem that various factors are involved. "I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my mom always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate." -Unknown "Jesse, come home, there's a hole in the bed where you slept." -Joan Baez "This aching heart of mine is singing, Lover, come back to me." -Billy Holiday I miss you like hell." -Edna St Vincent Millay "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.
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